Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
