I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
