so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Randomize
