Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
