Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize