I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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