Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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