Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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