Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
