Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
