It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
