I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
