i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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