Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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