FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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