i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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