Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
