She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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