My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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