I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
