It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
