just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
