spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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