her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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