It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
