just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
