After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
