you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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