Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
