You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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