If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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