legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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