How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm at about main and main street
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
