I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
