i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
