Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
