I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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