Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
