I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
