You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
