so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
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I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
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YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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