I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
