atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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