"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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