porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
