I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
