Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
