i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
