You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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