A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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