so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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