I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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