I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
