I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All the doctor said was why
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
