Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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