grandma shit on top of the toilet
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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