I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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