Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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