i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
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Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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