I just pynch a tree in the face
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
