hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
