I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
