i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
