the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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