My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
