Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you made out with another girl for some wings
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
