Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
