1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
