Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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