omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
