i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
